I’ve been a lot of places since I left your coast, and I’ve found no one like you. No one that gives me the butterflies that you give me. No one that makes me laugh like you, or makes me as nervous as you. I have met no one that I want to be around all day every day, the way I want to be around you. Whenever I am waiting at an airport or on a train or a bus, I think of you. Whenever I slow down enough to wander down memory lane, I think of you. Whenever I want to write a letter or draw a picture, it is addressed to you. I don’t always think about you. Sometimes I forget you completely for awhile—days, weeks even. Sometimes I date other people. But as soon as it is over, your back in my mind. You’re never gone for good. Something always reminds me.
You didn’t break my heart, though. You were just a missed opportunity and a constant longing. It was a premature goodbye, two people thinking our paths would cross, not taking advantage of the time we had together. It is a good memory, not soured by real heartbreak. It is the could-be perfect thing, that can never turn into the almost-perfect thing, because it will never be a thing.
It is comforting to know that you feel it too, and to know things would be different if I was there. But I don’t regret my decision to leave, and I wouldn’t change a thing. We are each where we are for a reason—our paths are going in very different directions, but that doesn’t mean they won’t circle back sometime down the road.
And as for your life now—I don’t want you to end things with her, especially not because you have feelings for someone a world away. Put me at the back of your mind—don’t forget about me, but stop thinking about me. I love our friendship, and that is enough for me. I want you to be happy, and as long as she is making you happy, don’t change a thing—it isn’t worth it.
You may always just be my what-if. I hope that someday that might change, but if not, there is some kind of strange comfort knowing that out there exists a person like you. You, my friend, will always have a place in my heart, even if you don’t have one in my life. I won’t give up hope that someday we’ll be able to give it a chance, but for now I must stop hoping.